Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Self-Deprecation, Party of One

Some days I really feel like an athlete.  Striding down the road, full of myself and my abilities.  But then there are days that I feel like a wannabe runner.  That was me today.  As I'm joggin' down the road, thoughts are runnin' thru my head:

"you are SO slow."

"hope no one sees you running, they'll wonder why you're even trying."

"what were you thinkin' entering a marathon."

"you're never gonna make it."

"you don't even push yourself"

And it goes on and on.  I don't really know why today was so bad.  I'm very critical of myself.  I knew my pace was slow and it went downhill from there.  I try to speed up but my legs feel heavy.  Then I feel defeated.  Then I get mad.  I was suppose to run 30 minutes.  I think it should be easy for me to complete 3 miles in that time.  But I don't so I make myself keep running until I do hit 3 miles.  And it only took me 31:10.  I was just over a 10 min/mile.  Realistically, I should be okay with that all things considered.  So why wasn't I?


  1. I'm right there with you. Some days I feel awesome and "legitimate" and other days I feel like I'm pretending.

    I was running by the road the other day and this random blue car passed me. I was at the point in my run when I wanted to walk. I wouldn't allow myself to walk until the blue car was out of sight. For some reason I thought the driver might be looking in his rearview mirror to see if I'd walk. How pathetic is that?!?!?

    I'm entirely too self-conscious when I run. But you know what? We're awesome. You and me. End of story. 10 minute mile? yea. You're awesome.

  2. Know how you feel. been there lots. Doesn't help that a fellow runner I know placed like 2nd over all female in her last race. And another goes like 15 plus miles per day. Somedays I feel like a whimp. But I keep doing it anyway to stay healthy. Besides that girl is way younger than me she should be faster I guess, but it is hard to cough up my times when she asks. Who cares how fast you are I think it is amazing that you are even trying a marathon I just don't have the guts to go that far, half marathon yes, but not a full one, so you go girl!!!!

  3. Girl! A 10 minute mile is smokin' fast! It takes me 15 minutes to "run" a mile. I'm as slow as a slow walkers pace! Just keep it up. You are beautiful, you are fit, you are strong! Don't let your brain kick your ass. You kick it's ass! Get yourself a visual of you kick boxing the crap outta that snotty girl who tells you you can't. I KNOW as long as your achillies holds up, you'll be in that marathon. But please if it asks you not to.......then just take it easy! ;) Sorry, a little Momma Goodwife had to say that!

  4. I do that exact thing all the time! I'm really bad about thinking I should have some magic number of miles in a certain amount of time and being mad when it doesn't pan out. I try to think of the days when a 12min mile was all I could do and then I think a 10min mile isn't so bad.